coffee and music

well, i sit here at a starbucks doing some homework, listening to Thoreau's "civil disobedience". i was too lazy to read it on my own so i found an audio of it and honestly i was bored to death with it, but five minutes...it started to become more and more interesting. he was in the higher ranks of the government and still thought that things should have been different and the government was being unfair.


anyway not having to do with henry, i sit here typing away and becoming distracted, i  find myself finding things to do to keep my mind busy. it's not easy, but when i do i forget about most things. Now i listen to the cranberries. i can't even emphasize how much they mean to me. while i listen to her, to them, i think about my day, it had been a little awkward with not seeing any part o f him, but i feel good. i don't have to worry about anything happening because i find myself detached from something that wasn't going to work out.

do you want to know what scares me? not finding someone i can be comfortable with, sadly i was feeling that and bringing my wall down and sadly it's gone now.  it's been some of my most depressing times, but i've learned, this isn't going to be only time i fall in love, i guess i just wait now, have fun while i do. enjoy my family, friends, and school. Then maybe will i meet someone else, someone who is respectful, fun, and will whole heartedly adore me. This past relationship was nice and all, but it was not sincere or at least it didn't feel like it, fun, but not sincere.

i think he treated strangers better than he treated me sometimes.

funny, i find myself writing more blogs than i do writing my actual essays, i feel like this helps me get everything off of my chest and breathe. Getting away from home does to, going to the beach does also and i really miss it. i'll probably end up going sometime this week in hopes that it doesn't rain like its forecasted to.


but anyway i think my thoughts have run off everywhere, 5 second attention span, not just mine, but yours too :)

oh look a bird!


enjoy this song. it pretty much sums it all up and exactly what i felt.