Looking Back

wow, i was just reading my last post. i apologize for not writing, but since then i've been great, experiencing a better time and getting to know family and others better.

i do miss him a little, but fuck that shit. Im moving on and merely enjoying the life i have, im not moping around anyone who fucked me over.

In all honesty I have such an amazing outlook on life, if something bad happens, then it happens, if something wonderful happen then hooray! Life is life, no one really knows whether its dictated by your own choice or if they're just merely planned out already and i find it exciting.

On the other hand, if someone were to approach again, with romantic intention, i couldnt see myself accepting anything. I feel like im playing it safe now. I wouldnt mind going out on a date or two, but to allow somone to grab a hold of me again...its fucking scary.

Im not going to lie and say i havent flirted or thought about going out with somone, i have. But its all still a little weird for me and it seems like something i want to steer away from, plus i want to do this properly this time and not have to keep it a secret. It could have all been karma for me, who knows.
I dont miss him anymore, only when im reminded of certain things, but overall  I dont miss you.

Either life will play itself out and ill just give it the extra shove :)

Hooray for will Power!
ps- ill be writing about self image and things like for the next post. *muah*

image and the media

how many times has this been talked about? the effects of media on both men and women, but we tend to pay more attention to the way is effects women.


most of us want to look a certain way, make this or that better looking, loose some weight, get a boob job, nose job, or a different eye color.

learn to become comfortable with your own body! with your self, love yourself.

it's bad enough that half the girls are try to be only skin and bones now a days to fit into trendy close.

if you want to lose weight, do it the right way, eat a little better, drink more water, do some exercise. nothing excessive like sticking your finger down your throat to puke out every meal.

that's just terrible


I need to finish this...will add more later

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feeling

i miss him.
I hate missing him and I hate that I still feel the same way. what he did was wrong, ungrateful, deceiving, and unfaithful. he doesn't deserve to be missed, yet I still do. I fucking hate you and her. yet I still love you. I won't let you back into my life, but I still fantasize how things could have been. I need to stop. you're unhealthy for me and for yourself. it's been a little over week since you told me about your unfaithfulness; I still feel the same way as I did when j first found out :(

Take my fucking pain away, take my memories, take my voice, but leave my heart. don't drag it around like a puppet master. leave my psyche! leave!

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