Mighty Mike's boots: Bob Marley Vs. The Cure

Mighty Mike's boots: Bob Marley Vs. The Cure: "Waiting in Heaven (right-click to download) instrumental : Bob Marley - Waiting in vain acapella : The Cure - Just like Heaven Cover art ..."

LOLOL the picture. but i don't think the mash up is too bad!

my new muse

they're wonderful and have easily become a favorite of mine now, better late than never right
check out their albums no.1 no.2, no.3, kills, all worth the listen!

they make me feel in love or whatever it is you feel when something takes you by the soul and showers it with kindness. cheesy ;)

my comfort zone

i exceeded that zone and had a blast on thursday. i felt like a teenager in lust thursday night and it was so cute, nothing serious but this guy was tall dark and handsome. he was beautiful. In all honesty if i had not had so much to drink i would have never even gotten enough courage to talk to him. Me being plus sized and him a thin, fit, handsome soccer player. oh that got me and his Portuguese accent, but he was mexican, just a bit awkward yet nonetheless attractive.

see, when i drink i become very friendly (not that i'm not already) so i'm super friendly and if i'm comfortable enough with you, i'll kiss you, a quick smooch, despite your gender, but if you're taken, i stay away, unless you're my girl friends.

we (my brother and i) got to our friends grad party and we just ate, talked, but i spotted this cute guy. 'Tall, dark, and handsome, with a smile that could kill', i thought to myself. So naturally i didn't think anything of it besides i thought he might have had a girlfriend naturally. Later that night we started playing drinking games with the whole gang. my brother was going to initially drive, but he decided taking 7 shots was fine and that it wouldn't lead to a drunken rampage of who would vomit first. He won! i told him to stop. he did and so i started drinking, but he didn't 15 min later, which i took into consideration, but miserably failed.

i took the shot for him (the handsome one) because he seemed gone and he thought i needed more because i had only had one. about 6 shots later i realize he's grabbing my face and kisses me. boyyy was it cute. we kiss again. i felt like a teenager and he grabs my hand and takes me to the restroom, but i thought he just wanted company, little did i know it was more than that. things seems to become a blur a minute later, but i do remember him just taking my jacket off, wanting to rip it off or something. i remember freaking out and saying, "were not having sex" ahahah. and we pretty much made out and acted like a couple of drunk teenagers on a hot summer night. the rest is a blur, but i do remember helping him out when he started feeling sick. 

he might not remember and i may not remember a big chunk, but i'm single and it was fun. helps me forget about other things and it's about time i have fun and get out there, just not in a drunken state. if i ever see him again, i'll run the other way lol.

might this be what i missed out on all of high school and some of jc?

sidenote; i dont drink too often and consider myself more of a social drinker, but sometimes you gotta give in and have some fun.

how am i doin'

i seem to depress myself by thinking about things i shouldn't be; about stupid things, things i think i could fix. Before it seemed possible, but now...in all seriousness it's all been thrown out the window. it really sucks how badly bruised one person can leave you and believe me, i fight to get through this and i am, but i have those relapse moments where i just think about how bad it was, i appreciate the good times, but the bad does overpower and i really just want it to go away. sometimes i think that if i cut out all the technology and friends out of my life and just spend my time home and working i will be fine, but i wont. Not until i find something that overpowers the way i feel about life and about boys.

as childish as this may seem, having a male companion to count on would help my situation so much, but i'm not to go looking for one. i'm not the type that feels the need to have one by my side all day everyday. If anything, i'm quite the opposite, i love being alone and having my space, but after finding out how beautiful it is to have that someone there, i really wouldn't mind having it again. one problem: TRUST.

how do i know i will able to trust the next guy? i won't. things like that just can't be predicted. it sort of sucks how the good girls always seem to find the worst partners, but there are those lucky ones out there as well. i'm worried about meeting the next person and him not accepting me, i'm not sure why, but it's a personal belief that i think it's weird that men are even attracted to me. it blows me away. i'm told it's because i'm mature, intelligent and i'm just really cool and laid back. they say i've also got spunk, but it's so difficult for me to see any of this. of course my girls always say ' you're beautiful!" c'mon now, every girl says that to her friend despite anything. in all honesty i dont show it all, ever, i actually always seem the way my girls describe me, but when it comes to it deep down i'm self-conscious, awkward, and worrisome when first meeting anyone that seems interested. i am quirky, silly, and become my comfortable normal self once i've accepted the other, but i'm afraid of not finding someone who i can be that with. haven't found them yet, i tell myself i am not looking, but aren't we always? subconsciously we wish to stumble upon that person that will make everything so much better for us and i am no exception.

like i said, i'm not searching for it in every corner like a few of my desperate friends are.

the future?

i think if this while having an iced tea lemonade and it all seems like a refreshing thing to think about. this might be a little bit of what i want.

as far as my career path; i want to be something in the arts field. maybe i'll end up being an art teacher, but i don't feel capable of teaching a class, even though i do have good communication and social skills, but you never know right?

i would not mind living in a dingy apartment, as long as my payments get in on time, but if i had a good job then i wouldn't mind having a large one floor home with a small front yard and a huge backyard, with a white picket fence. (seems like everyone or at least every girl wants one of those) another thing is a nice outdoor deck, maybe somewhere near the beach (maybe) but i want to feel that i'm surrounded by nature and feel like i'm in sort of garden, so maybe the beach doesn't work at the point, but i do LOVE the beach. somewhere i can breathe and let my imagination juices flow, somewhere i can set up my canvas' and paints, so that any day i felt like painting i could just make my back yard my model. i want a lush backyard and animals; big dogs and couple small ones, a cat or  two, a horse if i could and a couple of love birds.  i want them to have space to roam and feel free in to be themselves. i'd also like that space for the children that i might have (IF i have any) and of course i want to have somone by my side, if not then i'll still be happy. i want to have very good wine to enjoy a glass or two every night while i look up at the night sky or stare at the rain falling down.
along with this fantasy i want to travel europe before i turn 27 and finish my graduate studies in whatever i do, in another country,

bridesmaids

was overall a pretty gosh darn good movie,  thought it was hilarious and and if you're into raunchiness and pretty much a female cast just like the hangover, you'll love this.

but the police officer in the movie was so cute, awkward and irish lol! ever since watching p.s. i love you, i had always wanted to meet a nice irishman; accent and all. i think the day i do, i'll freaggin melt right in front of him. Unless i'm with someone i've already fallen in love with of course. but that's a fantasy of mine i guess you could say

the fiance's sister is so funny! i think she shined over all of them, she's just goofy and raunchy and everything i could never be, i could never say shit like she does in the movie.

as a matter of fact, i think i'm going to watch it again.

i've found it, but

but i can't seem to get myself to want to show my next painting. it feels all too personal the more i keep painting and in all honesty i don't know. I've had this painting in mind for the past year and a half, maybe even two years. When i had gone to the brewery art walk in los angeles there was a scar painting exhibition in one of the lofts. it was awesome and one of my favorite. Now, since i have an enormous burn that covers most of my back, john and i started talking about me doing something like that and well since then is when i had this idea.

finally i worked the courage up to do this idea and i really wanted to start it, but i was scared, still i went ahead and got a 32x48 canvas. i quickly outlined and sketched my own figure portrait and for the longest time i left it there on the easel, just sitting there. i swear i feel like was disowning that canvas because i was too afraid to start it, afraid it may not be good enough or that i would embarrass myself with it because it's so unbelievably personal to me. I've chosen that one to be my final project for painting class and my teacher was kind enough to tell me i don't have to, but he does want me to finish it because it's so new for me and he's like to see it done.

when i started putting paint onto the canvas i started to see it evolve into something that i was so excited bout, i didn't even care anymore about what people thought. I was extremely happy with how it was turning out and i still am, but the more i paint and the more it develops, the more nervous i become, the more...'naked' i feel. i'm having  hard time deciding wether or not i want to show it to my peers. as silly as this may sound, i'm scared as hell, it's the most vulnerable i've been with my work.

Fallulah: I Lay My Head

Fallulah: I Lay My Head

suck on this baby, it's great!

iamamiwhoami: ;john

iamamiwhoami: ;john

tell me what's a happenin'

i had the quiet the amazing time on thursday night. i went to the downtown artwalk and later headed off to club rock it in pomona with a few of my friends. i got a little wasted and danced with some randome cute guy all night but, things got a little out of hand with him, he was constantly trying to reach for my breasts (might add they're quite small and it just made me laugh lol) but he eventually got the idea when i would grab his arms and push them away and we kept dancing, next thing i know he's trying to kiss me, he was cute and a great dancer, but man oh man that was a bit much..again he got the idea we just danced the rest of the night. it was awesome though and after that i ended up having a good time with everyone and everyone had a great time as well! might add a friend came out to us....we were more than thrilled!

now friday i went to lunch with andy and mario, although i got a ticket for waiting for them in a no parking disabled area, i still had a lovely time. then saturday morning at 3am i get a call from andy, he's wasted at a party and he just doesn't want to be there at all anymore. i pick him up (he's lucky i was able to) and he doesn't want me to leave yet or drop him off yet so we head off to denny's to have some breakfast. he was being so kind and saying things he wouldn't say, that he's only happy with me. i am keeping in mind that he was drunk. i want to know why he has been wanting to hang out a lot lately, why he's contacting me so much lately. i know he can't be over her already and i don't, i DO NOT want us to happen all over again if in the end we will break up because of her. both him and her have caused me a great deal of pain and i know he's been suffering these past couple months because of her and because i'm something good he let go and because of his stupidity. i miss him, i do, but while she's on his mind i won't allow this again. it would be nice for him to tell me what he means by all of this, but i wont ask until something big happens. i'm calm and cool for now.

i dropped him off at home, gave him a hug, and a kiss not quite on the lips, but close enough.

he seemed happy.

Adele - Rolling In The Deep (Jamie xx Shuffle)

the scars of your love they leave me breathless, i can't help feeling we could have had it all.

i just really love this song and this mix is badass

treading haze

it's weird, i sort of go back and forth with my emotional state, most of the time i'm happy and content, but there times where i can't help but set myself back. I think back to everything, not only is it my ex that i think about, but a whole bunch of other things, things that others have done to me.

sometimes thing seem like a blur to me and i avoid thinking about them because i don't want to believe that they're real, that anyone would do something like that to me. it's the where the whole psychological thing comes into play.  I push back memories that i really don't want to remember to the side. i've never told anyone what it is that i remember and  i never will. It's something so disturbing that i choose to believe it didn't happen (at east i hope they didn't)

i wish i could put certain memories aside like i did to these and keep all the good ones, but then where would i learn from?

i'm slowly, but surely accepting myself as well.


my whole undecided of a path is sort of clearing up and i know i want to paint, i don't want to stop, it's my passion, if that is the thing that will keep me happy, wether i'm poor and barley getting by, i'll be happy. i want to cry at how much more happy i'v become, how everyone around me shows me it'll be fine and if i fall again, they will all be there. everyone i meet brings me some sort of happiness, i love them all so much it's unexplainable and my family of course, but my friend are the family i can really be myself around and i fucking love them for that.

i just found myself thinking about those people around me and i love them so much, even those who may not deserve my attention, they've all taught me something and have helped me when i was too scared or intimidated to do certain things. this i am most certain about.

back to my haze, it's clearing.

i'm good, i'm gone!!!

I'm Good, I'm Gone - Lykke Li

YES!

Café Tacvba - Esta Vez

The Cure - How Beautiful You Are

good week

overall it was actually quite fantastic.
1. i went to the beach a couple times
2. went to urth caffe and had a devine mocha mint cup with a sticky bun ;) lol
3. visited santa monica pier for the first time
4. went out to the MusiCares Map Fund Benefit concert...god it was beyond amazing ...DAVE GAHAN was brilliant and so was martin gore!!! along with Ozomatli, janes addiction, paramore, and chester. it was amazing, thank you so much for giving me those tickets, i know how badly he wanted to go to that and for him to give them away to me was beyond what it i imagined.
5. hiking at runyon agian
6. my oldest brothers birthday dinner was fun, all of us siblings were together again having a great time, laughing, eating, drinking, talking, and remembering.
7. the party...it was nice seeing him happy, i wish it was like that for him all of the time and i hope my being there didn't bug him, although he did invite me. i wish he could just come out of that dark place, but time will tell.

i don't expect anything to happen this time around, but this whole week was amazing. it's time to settle down and get down on some hw and painting.

change

since I do all that I can exercise wise, to keep the shape I'm in, it's time to go back to the old-new eating habits. snack size portions and two legit meals. almost counting calories but indulging myself in a sweet snack every once in a while. it's almost unfair how I can not lose weight running 3 miles almost everyday and having already good eating habits and drinking tons of water.
I've just gotta pep myself up a bit.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

the beach

it always makes me happy, wether i go to go, or with friends, even to cry and vent, in the end i leave happy.

herbs birthday party

it was madness and i had fun.
i was a little irresponsible and i will admit that and thank goodness nothing happened.


i talked to people i had never met, danced, celebrated, mingled, and just had an overall good time.

friends, strangers, drinks, i tried weed again, but it just isn't my thing lol.

it was one big happy family party made up of young adults

whats his face didn't end up going because of his friends, but hopefully i see him soon, he great, and then that burger i had gotten...i fell asleep on it, yep. ahaha but it wasn't because i was drunk, i had sobered up by then, i was just so tired form the night before.

luiggi's kickback was chill as well, my gaba was there and she seemed happy, but later both of us sort of got a little depressed, it passed eventually.

i swear these people bring me joy when it's needed. i adore them all

The Smiths - This Charming Man

*dancing around

Wolfmother - Vagabond

this home made one is good :)

and this song always makes me feel like anything is possible, like i'm on the right track

atta girl