I honestly hope you mean well. I don't want false hopes, well at the moment I don't expect anything.
it seems like everything is happening all at once for me. in the relationship area for example, all in a course of one year; I had my first kiss, first boyfriend and later sex. I've fallen in love, I was broken and lied to. this was so much to take in and I don't know if I'm ready for any of this again. Frankly I didn't deserve any of it. it's funny how things work out.
I've had the pleasure of being asked out by a few guys, but I had to decline; none of them interest me in "that" way. 1: he's just so cool, same music interest and we play bicker all of the time. 2: haha this guy, too homie for me, super cool though! we pick at him for his choloness. then there is 3: he's adorable, he's the sweetest and I'm bewildered he would be interested in a full figured gal like me. he's a tiny fit guy, good looking as well. But I just can't.
I catch myself flirting and I just think it's nature to. if 4 wouldn't have had a girlfriend I think there could have been something, but once again; he much too old for me, yet I can't over his coolness and his adorable laugh.
then there's YOU. you. I've been doing so great! you hurt me, I'll never forget that, but I'm trying to, well I really don't know what I'm trying to do. I want to know what his deal is. why talk to me? better yet, why did I agree to see him. I can't take him seriously at all, not if I think Liz is still in the picture. she fucks it all up and he does too when they combine. I fucking hate that girl. now you, I still have a bit of anger, but I'm too nice of a person to hate him,I'm still a bit disgusted, you've done so much in so little time that it would take so much for me to trust you again. I don't know what your intentions are, but I can't be friends and as crazy as it may seem, I would take you back. I'm an idiot. I fell in love with someone who loves another. how do I know that his "I love you" was real? I'd like to know the truth.
I'm not as hung up as I thought I would be and maybe this is a good thing.
I'm not looking for anything right now, but if you provoke it, you provoke hope, you provoke a relationship. I'm afraid of you and I'm afraid of you hurting me again.
so if you'd like to stay single, then tell me now. now.
I hate my lenient personality.
overall; it'd be nice to have you all. your mind, your body and soul, but I ca do without if you plan on hurting me again.
paintings are better than ever, I find myself changing my style a bit,but funny how my juiciness is still shown. lol.
I'm having fun.
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