once again

it seems that i begin to worry about the same thing every time. i'm really beginning to aggravate myself with this. I want to settle with someone. I'm not desperate to the point of accepting any man who decides to show interest in me, no. I do not work that way. If anything, I hate admitting it, but i'm beginning to feel picky when it comes to men. I did not want to admit it, but i've completely shunned the one guy who has shown that he would be up for devoting his time to me and only me. I feel terrible, but I am not ready to devote myself to one person or maybe to him. I just don't find him romantically attractive and he is trying too hard to impress me, i'm not. The aztec and i have managed to keep in contact and hang out every once in a while, spur of the moment outings. The difference now is that he is actually interested in some one else so i have a different mind set about him, still interested and find him attractive in every way possible, just not allowing my crush to ruin the friendship. A funny little thing came up while we were out one night, he asked why i had never tried to pursue him...have sex. I assured him i did and still do, but i'm not the kind to jump into something without feelings. He knows iv'e only been romantically involved with one person so allowing my barriers to deteriorate for someone that intimidates me is a really difficult thing to do. I was afraid of becoming attached and he initially said he could have a mind set that blocks all feeling out, i feel incapable of doing the same. So i think i made a smart decision. the chemistry is there, it's unbelievable, but maybe it's just an extremely special friendship thats coming out of this. we spoke of going to europe on a singles backpacking trip in about a year very briefly...i'll be damned if we're both single still, he did bring it up first, but i'm sure he'll forget by then, maybe both of us will. i'm boring myself with feelings.