I sit here wondering what the hell i'm doing with my life...when in fact i am doing something with my life...right? going to school, being a college student, not doing drugs, not being an alocholic. Alright i lied a little on the last two, but i'm no extremist; everything in moderation. As I write this my right calf twitches as if to disagree with me, oh muscle spasms. I should actually be writing a discrimination papaer and getting ready for my 630 pm class, but i feel that i need to relieve some of this odd eagerness thats eating me up inside.
Now the only reason i'm feeling antsy is because i'm just nervous for some reason i cannot explain...or is it because of the occurrences of this past weekend? I think that might just be it. Well i guess we can begin there.
I headed to a gay bar with a friend and did the usual; drink a little, mingle, and dance a little. now i'm not a lesbian, but i don't mind going to places that aren't what people might consider to be me, so i go. Eventually i meet a guy who might possibly be the only straight one there, so we chat it up, he gets my number and we bid our goodbyes. Hand in hand, my friend and i leave the bar. I, slightly buzzed and him...well he was himself lol. We meet up with a few of his friends and we chat it up, drink a little more wine and then his friend brings out the pipe. I am not opposed to taking a puff or two so i go for it and think nothing of it because frankly i had already a few times in the past, but oh god this was different. The next thing i knew i was hanging on to myself yearning for the comfort of someone, anyone. Guy from the bar shows up, apparently he called me and i told him where i was. I really hope he didn't get the wrong idea. He was nice to take care of me until my paranoia went away and i thank him, but all i wanted was for the aztec to come to my rescue. I miss him actually, not only romantically, but his overall presence in my life. He's not entirely gone, but with conflicting schedules it's difficult. Anyway, i yearned for the warmth of his hands and body taking care of me, the comforting sight of his smile and the crows feet around his aged eyes, that's all I wanted then, and I can assure you I called his name out. Eventually, i snapped out of it and headed home only be lectured to and shunned by my mother. It was great, guess who's breaking out of her shell?*
*i will not be doing this anytime soon, i scared the shit out of myself.
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