twenty one

guess who's finally turned 21? yea it was only a matter of time before i was sucked into the endearing bar life. i'm enjoying this age deal, although every time i do walk into a bar i hope to not come out of one with a drink in one and cigarette in the other. seeing as i don't smoke, i don't see how likely that is. Ya never know right? then i'd feel like another cliche that describes an artist. 

lately i've been feeling like i've been holding myself back from something great and i cant seem to find out what it is. i've also been feeling like something is missing. i hate feeling this...why? well because i have accustomed myself to feeling fine by being alone or going out and doing shit alone. i'm that person who likes to go watch a movie alone or have dinner alone, go to the beach for a walk or catch the sunset. sure i like the company and have friends who are willing to accompany me, but i don't mind being away from everyone and everything. i believe i just described an aquarius...ding, ding, ding!

i'm excited for walking into the sultry jazz clubs where i wont be able to find my friends because of the cigar smoke. ahhh lovely. excited for many drunken nights ahead before the harsh realization of how i will be too old to be doing things like "that". how should i know if i'll be having one night stands? highly doubt it, but ya never know. considering how shy and self conscious i am...it wont be happening too many times. i can barely give into the aztec who i've been hanging out with for a few months with now...he's gotten nothing (aside from a few make out sessions and breakfasts made by yours truly)... he's still around. god, i want him so badly. anyway, i've realized how badly i'd like to move out...sure i have a place to stay and all that, yes, thank you for everything and i do appreciate it, but i think it's time i learn some more responsibility because keeping the house clean, doing laundry and running errands doesn't seem real enough for me. i need to challenge myself a little more and get a taste of it. sure taking five classes in college is time consuming, but there are people who work, raise their kids, and do what i do still. my plan is to finish my last year of community and apply for uni, get a job after this semester and save up money until i'm finished before starting uni and move out. get a taste of the real world. wish me luck. i can do this.