i'll be seeing them in a couple weeks in santa ana! my favorite song is "I would do Anything For You" /\
the way things have been going so far are (were) a tad bit confusing, but i fixed it. i cut him out. i didn't feel anything from him and he never showed me that he really wanted this. i expect someone to fight for me and try to win me back not just let it go if i were giving up. maybe that's was made me get rid of this fantasy. i know i've done this plenty with him, where i broke up with him or things just didn't work out because of him. frankly i wish i could say i did something wrong so i felt like he was nothing to me, but that's not me. although he's cheated on me countless times i still wanted him, but this it's almost like i needed to not feel. maybe you don't understand me, but i just wanted to feel that i felt nothing or that i was just tired of all the bullshit. this time i'm not mad, i'm just a little sad, but nothing major. i'm not crying over this and i just want to move on, i have been. i'm doing everything i was, i'm just not worrying about him and wether or not he's up to no good. he's the only i have ever been with. i'm ready for a long term relationship, but not with him. he doesn't make me feel good anymore and gosh so untrustworthy and confused he is, he's a mess. in the word of my dear friend mario, "you don't need him, you need a real mature man, not a child"(mario is gay :)) lol) funny, i'm younger than he is, but it's sad to him waste his life away like this and i have been wasting my time being hurt and trying to work something out that could never. i doubt anyone will read this long ass life story about "the jerk" most men seem to be like him, i'm not saying all, but a good handful are. why can't they ever see past their past and realize what they have in front of them is much better, she'll walk away like i did. I walked away when i told him i was done, i didn't yell, i didn't cry, nor ask questions about our future. just walked away with my pride and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. i think he's happier, maybe. i am, but i do miss him a little. i think i just became too comfortable with the same person for two years. it's going to be tough doing that with someone else, but i could learn. i need a 'champion'.
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