young fool

how is that one can reassure a secure future? we simply can't. Unless everything plays right and the right cards are dealt or if you're just lucky.

for my future i dont know what i want just yet. I'm a young lady still, i'm still getting to the woman part. There is so much running through my mind, sometimes i just want to jump off of a cliff into a lake or go do something dangerous for no absolute reason. i wish to find someone who truly cares about me and could help me through these doubts, but i consider myself much too young to even find the right one. Yes im sort of preoccupied with someone whom i sincerely adore, but is he the right one? he's lied to me and cheated me, yet im still here. Did i know i was going to eventually take him back, yes,but not this quickly. Do i expect to be cheated again...yes. it's a sad thing, but id like for him to prove me wrong. i wish for him to stay away from her. If he does it again, thats it. i can't make the same mistake twice and him expect me to take him back a third time, there wont be a next time. My future with this guys seems alright for now, things are always great in the beginning, i swear we've started an anniversary over about 3 times i think.

But why does he come back to me anyway? is it because no one else will? because im the only one stupid or willing enough to do so and i just seem like the easier choice? or does he really care? i know i will eventually, but will he ever love me?

i care about him a ton.



tomorrow begins my second day at school, new classes, a few old friends and someone i had been hoping to see since the beginning of break, hes lovely, but now i dont think i want anything to do with him. plus this guy i sort of dated a couple years back is starting to contact me again, i ignore him because im focusing on this other guy again for now and hopefully for much longer, im sorrry.