doubt

When doubt comes into play, everything can and will be ruined, unless you learn to control yourself. I believe I do an overall good job with controlling it, but it is so hard to not doubt different things, stages or anything in life.

my relationship with andy has been wonderful the second time around, normal you could say. We were together for almost 4 months a few months ago, but that was cut short. like every relationship, everything seems so nice and dandy in the beginning, but later his ex comes up. he was lying to me, not cheating, but just lying. Well truthfully i cant say he was not cheating, i wouldnt know that, but she was his one. She was messing with his head while we were togteher and in the end i could not deal with it, no more. i still talked to him, but less and less. when we did hang out, i couldnt see him as just a friend, so i decided i couldnt deal with any of him or her and i decided to cut off all communications, but he wouldnt let go. He doesnt know how badly he hurt me, he really doesnt. I cried days and nights over him, my family unaware. i hated going through that, it was one of my worst life experiences.


i guess someone knocked some sense into him, i took him back. Its been a little over a month now and things have been well, normal, ups and downs, were getting to know each more than the last time. i know he communicates with her here and there, it bugs me, but at least he's telling me and that im grateful for. I just can't help but doubt myself and this relationship sometimes because of her. I'm young, i know and i know i could meet many more people, but right now, right now its him who holds my heart. i think he's one of the few guys who could out on having sex for so long, kudos to him because he has not gotten a hold of my virginity yet. That will happen when he loves me, when i feel that he sincerely means it. It scares me so much and i have mentioned this to him; to feel love. What scares me the most is him not feeling the same way i feel...